These Helen Keller jokes are hilarious! They’re great jokes to share with your friends and classmates.
Funny Helen Keller Jokes
Did you know that Helen Keller had a dollhouse in the backyard? Neither did she
How did Helen Keller burn her ear off? Answering the iron!
How did she burn the other one off? They called back!
What is Helen Keller’s favorite color? Velcro
How come Helen Keller can’t have kids? Because she’s dead!
How did Helen Keller drive herself crazy? Trying to read a stucco wall
Why can’t Helen Keller drive a car? She’s a woman.
How did Helen Keller break her arm while in the car? Trying to read a stop sign going 80
What’s the name of Helen Keller’s favorite book? Around the Block in 80 Days
What do you call a tennis match between Helen Keller and Stevie Wonder? Endless love
Did you know that Helen Keller had a dollhouse in the backyard? Neither did she
How did Helen Keller drive her car? One hand on the wheel, the other on the road
How did Helen Keller meet her husband? On a blind date!
How did Helen Keller pierce her ear? Answering the stapler
How did Helen Keller’s teachers punish her for talking in class? They made her wear mittens
Why didn’t Helen Keller change her baby’s diaper? So she could always find him
Why did Helen Keller have yellow fingers? From whispering sweet-nothings in her boyfriend’s ear
How did Helen Keller pick her eyes out? She shouted hysterically
Have you seen a picture of Helen Keller’s dad? Neither has she!
How do you tell if Helen Keller is alive? If you hear something fall down the stairs
Why does Helen Keller play the piano with one hand? Because she sings with the other!
What’s Helen Keller’s excuse every time she loses a competition? She couldn’t see
Why did Helen Keller’s last relationship not work? Her boyfriend complained about how she never listened to his problems.
Why did Helen Keller eat her poop? She thought it was a candy bar.
How did Helen Keller become blind and deaf? She was a PC and got a virus
How do you mess with Helen Keller? Give her a basketball and tell her to read it
Why is it okay to tell Helen Keller jokes? Because she can’t hear them anyway!
What is Helen Keller’s favorite color? Black
Remember the Helen Keller doll? You’d wind her up and watch her walk into walls.
Why does Helen Keller masturbate with her left hand? So she can moan with her right hand
How did Helen Keller learn to masturbate? Trying to read her own lips.
Why does Helen Keller wear tight jeans? So people can read her lips
What do you call Stevie Wonder and Helen Keller playing tennis? Eternal love.
How can you tell if Helen Keller has brushed her teeth? By the Gleam in her eye.
Why does Helen Keller play the piano with only one hand? She uses the other to sing with.
What was the worst day in Helen Keller’s life? The day she burned her mouth, and couldn’t taste anything, either.
How did Helen Keller drive a car? With one hand on the wheel, and one hand on the road.
What is Helen Keller’s favorite mouthwash? Jergen’s lotion.
What did Helen Keller scream when she fell off the mountain? Nothing, she was wearing mittens.
What did Helen Keller name her dog? Nymphdrumpherlmf.
How did Helen Keller’s parents punish her? By walking on her Braille books with golf shoes.
How does Helen Keller drive? One hand on the wheel and one hand on the road!
Why does Helen Keller have holes in her face? She tried eating with a fork.
Did you hear about the new Helen Keller Doll? You wind her up and she bumps into the furniture!
What is Helen Keller’s favorite Convenience Store? WAAAWAAA
Why did Helen Keller’s dog kill itself? You would too if your name was sajifjlsisdjifiuopoo
How did Helen Keller’s parents punish her? They stuck a plunger in the toilet.
How many kids did Helen Keller have? NONE! The plunger went all the way through!
If Helen Keller fell down in the woods, would she make a sound?
Have you seen a picture of Helen Keller’s dad? Neither has she!
How did Helen Keller burn the side of her face? She answered the iron. How did she burn the other side? They called back.
What did Helen Keller’s room look like? She didn’t know either
What do you call a tennis match between Helen Keller and Stevie wonder? Endless love
Why does Helen Keller wear tight pants? So you can read her lips!!
What was Helen Keller’s favorite childhood game? Musical Chairs
What’s Helen Keller’s favorite movie? Around the Block in 80 days.
If Helen Keller were psychic, would she call it a fourth sense?
What did Helen Keller say to the shop assistant when she knocked over a product-display in the store? Just looking!
Why couldn’t Helen Keller play on her high school football team? Because she’s a girl
Why does Helen Keller masturbate with one hand? So she can moan with the other.
Why was Helen Keller’s leg yellow? Her dog was blind too.
What did Helen Keller’s parents do to punish her for swearing? Washed her hands with soap.
How did Helen Keller burn her hands? She was trying to read a waffle iron
Where do Helen Keller’s parents have her go when there’s company over? Disneyworld
Why was Helen Keller late for school? DUI
Why is all of Helen Keller’s face burnt? She was bobbing for French fries
How did Helen Keller burn the side of her face? She answered the iron
How did Helen Keller burn the other side of her face? They called back
Why was Helen Keller’s leg wet? Her dog was blind too
How did Helen Keller burn her fingers? Reading the waffle iron
What did Helen Keller do when she fell down the well? She screamed and screamed until her hands turned blue
How come Helen Keller didn’t scream when she fell off the cliff? She was wearing mittens
Why does Helen Keller wear skin-tight pants? So you can read her lips
Why did Helen Keller’s dog commit suicide? You would too if your name was ‘Urghrrghrghr’
Have you heard of the new Helen Keller doll? Wind it up and it walks into walls
What did Helen Keller’s parents do to punish her? Put saran wrap on the toilet
What was Helen Keller’s favorite childhood game? Musical chairs
How do you get Helen Keller to keep a secret? Break her fingers
Why did Helen Keller cross the road? What, like she knows where she’s going!
What’s this (slowly waving fingers)? Helen Keller moaning
Thanks for reading our jokes. If you would like to add your own jokes please use the comment box found below. And learn more about Helen Keller on her wiki.
Filed under Helen Keller Jokes by on Dec 28th, 2011. Comment. 
Enjoy our collection of funny jokes about women. These women jokes are pretty funny, and you can probably think of someone in your own life that these may apply to. And here are the jokes…
Funny Women Jokes
What do you call a woman who has lost 95% of her intelligence?
Divorced.
How many men does it take to open a beer?
None. It should already be open by the time she brings it.
What do you call a woman with two brain cells?
Pregnant.
What’s worse than a macho man chauvinist pig?
A women who won’t do what she’s told.
Why are hangovers better than women?
Hangovers will go away.
Why are hurricanes normally named after women?
When they come they’re wild and wet, but when they go they take your house and car with them.
Did you hear about the guy who finally figured out women?
He died laughing before he could tell anybody.
Women do not snore, fart, or belch; therefore, they must bitch or else they will blow up.
What is the difference between a battery and a woman?
A battery has a positive side.
A lady went to see a tarot reader woman who’ll predict her future:
The tarot reader said, “Lady, I’m sorry to inform you that your husband will die in the near future.”
She replied, “Don’t tell me things that I already know, tell me if there would be an investigation!”
Why haven’t they sent any women to the moon?
Because it doesn’t need cleaning yet.
Marriage is a three ring circus:
Engagement ring, wedding ring, suffering.
What should you give a woman who has everything?
A man to show her how to work it.
To be happy with a man, you must understand him a lot and love him a little.
To be happy with a woman, you must love her a lot and not try to understand her at all.
How do you know when a woman is about to say something smart?
When she starts her sentence with, “A man once told me…”
A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend.
A successful woman is one who can find such a man.
How can you tell a woman is really ugly?
A cannibal takes one look at her and orders a salad.
How long is the average woman in labor?
Whatever she says divided by two.
How many divorced women does it take to screw in a light bulb?
4 – 1 to screw in the bulb and 3 to form a support group for her.
When a man marries Miss Right, he never realizes that her first name is “Always”.
Scientists have discovered a food that causes women to gain weight more than any other food.
It’s called wedding cake.
A man says to his buddy, “I haven’t spoken to my wife in months.”
The friend says, “Why not?”
The man says, “I don’t want to interrupt her.”
Women in the Kitchen Jokes
Why did the woman cross the road?
Who cares, what was she doing out of the kitchen?
How do you fix a woman’s watch?
You don’t. There’s a clock on the stove.
If your wife keeps coming out of the kitchen to nag at you, what
have you done wrong?
Made her chain too long.
Why do women have smaller feet than men?
So they can stand closer to the kitchen sink.
Why don’t women need to drive?
Because there isnt a road between the bedroom and the kitchen.
Good Girl Bad Girl Jokes
Good girls make chicken for dinner.
Bad girls make reservations.
Good girls have stocks.
Bad girls have stockbrokers.
Good girls say no.
Bad girls say when.
Hope you enjoyed the collection of women jokes.
Filed under Helen Keller Jokes by on Dec 28th, 2011. Comment.
Below we have a bunch of Funny Yo Mama Jokes and Sayings. Yo Mama jokes of all types including yo mama so fat, stupid, ugly, and dirty. Enjoy!
Yo Mama So Fat Jokes
Yo mama so fat her belt size is the equator!
Yo mama so fat her BMI is measured in acres.
Yo mama so fat her graduation picture was an aerial.
Yo mama so fat when her beeper went off, people thought she was backing up.
Yo mama so fat I took a picture of her last christmas and it’s still printing!
Yo mama so fat she got arrested at the airport for ten pounds of crack.
Yo mama so fat she goes to a restaurant, looks at the menu and says, “okay!”
Yo mama so fat not even Dora can explore her.
Yo mama so fat you have to grease the door frame and hold a twinkie on the other side just to get her through.
Yo Mama So Stupid Jokes
Yo mama so stupid she thinks taco bell is a Mexican phone company.
Yo mama so stupid she took a fish out of the water because she thought it was drowning.
Yo mama so stupid she got hit by a parked car.
Yo mama so stupid she took a spoon to the Super Bowl.
Yo mama so stupid it takes her 2 hours to watch an episode of “60 Minutes”.
Yo mama so stupid if you gave her a penny for intelligence, you’d get change back.
Yo Mama So Ugly Jokes
Yo mama so ugly she looks like she fell off the ugly tree and hit every branch on the way down.
Yo mama so ugly, she gives Freddy Kruger nightmares.
Yo mama so ugly her pillow cries at night.
Yo mama so ugly she went into a haunted house and came out with an application.
Yo mama so ugly she put the Boogie man out of business.
Yo mama so ugly she makes onions cry.
Yo mama so ugly even the tide won’t take her out.
Yo mama so ugly her shadow gave up.
Yo mama so ugly the psychiatrist makes her lie face down.
Yo mama so ugly for Halloween she trick or treats on the phone.
Yo Mama So Dirty Jokes
Yo mama so dirty she makes mud look clean.
Yo mama so dirty she made speed stick slow down.
Yo mama so dirty she went swimming and made the Dead Sea.
Yo mama so dirty the U.S. Army wants to use her bath water as a biological weapon.
Yo mama so dirty that you can’t tell where the dirt stops and she begins.
Yo mama so dirty that she loses weight in the shower.
Yo mama so dirty she only changes her drawers once every 10000 miles.
Yo mama so dirty that she was banned from a sewage facility because of sanitation worries!
Yo mama so dirty she has to creep up on the bath water.
Yo mama so dirty she made right guard turn left.
Yo mama so dirty she squeezes the oil out of her hair to bake with.
Yo mama so dirty she has more dirt on her than the yard does.
Yo mama so dirty even the dogs won’t sniff her.
We hope you’ve enjoyed our collection of yo mama jokes. Be sure to read more of our funny jokes.
Filed under Helen Keller Jokes by on Jan 18th, 2012. Comment.
